On Mother's Day in 2015 I was secretly hoping that our little girl would make her arrival. I was a few days past my due date and feeling very ready to be a mother.
We were glad that she waited so that we could celebrate her papa's medical school graduation. But, by that Sunday all our events were over and we were ready.
The following morning, a Monday, I went in for an appointment and ultrasound. My OB told me that for Ruby's safety, I needed to be induced. I of course challenged this and would have preferred not to go this route, but it was best for Ruby.
I didn't make a birth plan or anything, but had a good idea of how I wanted it to go, and this wasn't what I wanted. But, that's why I didn't write out a 'plan', I knew it wouldn't go accordingly.
She sent us home to grab our bags and to get something to eat and told us to check in to the hospital that afternoon.
It was actually really nice to have that time. We went home, I finished packing my bags, which I couldn't quite finish packing, not knowing. Suddenly, it made sense, we were going to the hospital! Of course, both pairs of my favorite joggers that I had been rotating through were in the laundry. I managed to grab some other comfy clothes and had time to think through what I wanted to bring.
It felt so surreal. I wasn't in labor, but I knew I would be having a baby soon. I did what any sane person would do and started frantically cleaning the house.
My brother and his fiance at the time were planning on coming in and visiting us that afternoon. At that point I was pretty sure that Ruby would wait until May 15 to make her arrival, so I didn't think anything of it. My birthday is on the 16th, and Jordan's the 17th. So, it made sense in my mind.
I called them after my appointment that morning and they were halfway to Indy already. I told them they were welcome to still come. Thankfully they arrived and Chelsey was able to help me finish up my crazy cleaning.
We decided on brunch, it felt very much like a last meal. I knew I wouldn't be able to eat for a while, so I picked my favorite hearty brunch. A cuban breakfast from Patachou in Indy. Rice, beans, egg and avocado with cinnamon toast. Yes, yes, of course what I ate is important, I'll get to Ruby in a moment. Let me relive this, ok?
So, in true Kaytea fashion, I was late to the hospital. She wanted us there at 1 and we rolled in at 2.
During my anticipation of all of this, I had been most frightened about getting an IV. Like, terrified.
I had a nurse who had definitely been doing her job for a while, she was definitely old school. She had rough hands, and was not sympathetic to my whining. My heart rate was so fast. At one point she said something about if I couldn't handle this, then she doesn't know what's going to happen for the birth part.
She didn't even want me to wear underwear, what? It was definitely a rude beginning to the whole giving birth to a child thing. As it turns out, as much as laboring did hurt and the most pain I have ever felt before, this was the worst part. Getting that dreadful IV with this lady. sheesh.
I'm so glad that I decided to check out a million books about giving birth the week before. I felt like I was prepared and knew when to advocate for myself.
I really wanted to walk around. This nurse didn't want me to. Thankfully I stayed firm, and she figured out how I could with everything.
We spent quite a bit of time walking the hallways, as I labored for 20 hours. This was our favorite spot, by these windows. We watched the sunset and chatted, it was actually really light and fun. My contractions didn't really get bad until once it got dark.
Thankfully by this point I had the best nurse ever. She was seriously the sweetest and so encouraging. She was so helpful when the contractions started to get really painful. She knew just what to do to help with everything.
The things that helped most to get through contractions were lavender oil, pressure on my back, and just crying. lots of crying.
Like I said, I had somewhat of a 'birth plan' so I was a little stubborn to keep some of it in tact. I didn't necessarily want to get an epidural, or really anything. I'm trying to refrain from using the word natural, because it entails a lot more in this realm. But, I did want to keep from doing anything other than what was necessary.
I knew that by getting induced, that I may need to get an epidural, but I was able to handle the pain for most of my labor. Then in the early morning they needed to up the amount of pitocin I was getting. I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it, and of course asked if it was necessary. I should have gotten an epidural then, because once they up the amount, I could no longer handle the pain.
It was at that point that I decided to get an epidural, I couldn't hold still and was a little nervous, but at I was in so much pain I hardly noticed. In all honesty, I also didn't want to get an epidural because I was fearful of the process. But, in the midst of intense contractions, all I could think about was getting rid of the pain.
The epidural was amazing. I didn't have any side effects and the pain vanished. I was able to get some much needed rest. My sweet nurse checked to see how far dilated. I had made it to 8 cm. and it wasn't too much longer.
A couple hours later they wanted me to start pushing. We tried for a little, but I think I was just too tired and not quite ready.
It took a while for Ruby to come, I pushed for a total of four hours. It didn't feel quite that long.
On the 12th of May at 9:41 Ruby joined me right here on my chest and she stayed there for an hour or so. They were really sweet and did most of the tests right there and waited until much later to weigh her and everything. They didn't even give her a bath until the next day.
Looking back at these photos, I feel such a warm sentiment for Ruby girl. Because, we've made it past this haze of newness and exhaustion.
But then, it wasn't like that. I thought I would have these crazy maternal feeling of love.
I did love her, but I was most struck with a crazy weight of responsibility. And I was crazy obsessed about caring for her and her life.
And since over an hour of skin-to-skin time with mama wasn't enough, I made Jordan take his shirt off to hold her. haha. Love this husband of mine.
But, it was nice to get to know her. It felt like I already knew her.
Her movements were the same.
She was already lifting up her head and with wide eyes. I feel like most other babies look like newborns, but from the very beginning she looked like Ruby. Our Ruby.
We're so incredibly thankful for Ruby and the crazy amount of love she has already brought to out family. This already feels like so long ago and yet just yesterday. I can't believe that in exactly three weeks this tiny baby will be one year old.
I'm Katelyn, a creative who finds beauty in the little things. I like the windows open and vases filled with flowers. I photograph and write about the mostly small but sometimes big adventures we find in our daily lives.
